This has been a GREAT sociological/what will my next Ebook be study; thanks to all who have posted in this thread!
I was expecting the garbage that childfree women experience if they voice this stuff in a venue/forum/meeting place predominantly inhabited by other women; a shitstorm of "You're not fulfilling your function as a woman/as God's breeder slave/as a good being of the planet if you don't have kids!"
That's what my wife has dealt with for some 17 years since she's been "out" as childfree by choice.
I had hoped that in a more male-oriented gay webmaster forum things would be more reasonable; and fuck yeah, it has been ! So thanks for that.
And also, true sympathy for the poster who talked about losing his kid in that accident; so many levels of trauma there, can't imagine your grief/mixed feelings/trauma; all the best to you.
I'm going to just list all of the false equivalencies that childfree by choice men are bingoed with, if they "come out" to people about their choice; I'm listing these for your educamation and/or so you can be forewarned/prepared:
* If you're a guy and you don't want kids, then clearly all your relationships with adult women and lovers must therefore be immature/not fully formed/ on a level of just wanting a whore.
While this is SOMETIMES true, among the childfree men I know, most of them are like me; in long-term marriages or live-in relationships with kickass, cool, like-minded women. Both of them are simply busy DOING OTHER THINGS and honest with each other that having kids is something they simply don't want to do.
*If you don't want kids, this indicates moral failure; you suck at life and are a horrible human being.
I never became a pro soccer player, although I probably could have. I never chose to become a farmer, although many people in my family were farmers and taught me about farming at a young age. I never had kids. What's your point again? A false equivalency is where people try to equate having a kid with some inaccurate, high, God-ordained moral ground; when really, like anything, it's a choice. You're a gaywebmaster; you're not a straight webmaster; so what. That's your choice. Don't let people get you entangled in useless and braindead arguments about the "morality" of whatever the hell you choose to do --- or not do. It's just choices.
*You're not fulfilling your biological function/God's will.
When the Old Testament's "go forth and multiply" was written, experts estimate that the entire WORLD'S population was roughly the current size of the state of New Jersey's population. We have PLENTY of people to go around. 40% of children in the US live in poverty; between 60-70% of all children born in the US were unplanned for and unwanted. We will soon have 9 billion people on this planet, most of them destined for poverty, famine, and war. This is likely to happen by 2050 or earlier. You think we need more people? Or do we need better systems, better people, better structures, better methodologies, more scientific and societal advancements....and some fucking conscious use of birth control? Replacement population levels are 2 kids per couple; we need to drastically scale things down if we want this delicate ecosystem to survive. Problem is, religious types, your grandma/mother, and the women in your family are likely still tuned into the "Everybody needs at least two kids" paradigm which will kill this planet off very soon. Catch up with modern events, braindead assholes. Understand the times you are living in.
*If you don't want kids, you hate them.
Some people who are childfree by choice do hate kids. Or they hate screaming babies. I actually recommend that any of you considering having kids "rent" or borrow a baby or a toddler for a week and bring them into your home. This is when you will truly discover how you do with sleep deprivation and excess noise; both of which drive a certain percentage of the population into batshit depression/anger/post-partum depression issues. Best you find out about this NOW before you bring a helpless, utterly dependent little one into your life. This is something you can research NOW. Don't put it off. There are also a huge number of childfree people who are working their asses off helping to raise YOUR children or save YOUR children's lives; EMT's, social workers, teachers, coaches, and more. Look around and count the childfree folks in your life and you'll see a lot of them are very much "contributors to the community" and all that. To paint them with the inaccurate brush of "You're all child-haters" is imbecilic non-thinking at best, conscious trolling at worst.
*Sex and/or marriage are for babies only, so get with the program!
You are actually, as a man, allowed to love the shit out of sex with women WHILE NOT WANTING TO HAVE A CHILD AT ALL. This is what the birth control and societal advances, so heavily fought for by both liberated men and liberated women, have allowed us to admit to ourselves. SEX IS GREAT! (And if it isn't, you're doing it wrong; or maybe you're an inhibited gay webmaster who hasn't hit his stride yet.) What goes wrong is when you allow others to manipulate you into constantly running that risk of spawning a kid just because you really, really want sex. There are solutions; look them up; condoms; spermicide for the woman as a CONSTANT back-up, even if she's using the Pill; women can also take herbs to reduce pregnancy risks (and to even write about this means the blogger in question gets constant death threats and fundies visiting their house, but this info is widely available; many women are using herbs like parsley to safely, quickly, bring on their period at the first sign of a missed period at ZERO RISK to their health.) Vasectomies; tubal ligations. Pulling out. Get real, be more aware, and have loads of fun, guilt-free sex! (Because yeah, you're actually allowed to, no matter what your guilt-inducing, genocidal maniac "God" tells you.)
*Borrowing other people's kids to be the world's greatest uncle or babysitter can be loads of fun; plus, since if you're childfree you won't be spending $200,000 after taxes plus college money after the kid is 18, you'll have cash to help SPOIL your niece or nephew and do really cool things. We took our niece on a helicopter ride around Manhattan, took her on trips and educational visits her parents couldn't even remotely give her; that type of thing.
Okay, my latest cocaine stash is wearing off I guess, so that's all for now. Carry on.
but that remains one really sad moment in my life.
