Any Childfree by Choice Here?

[JakeStratham]

A cautionary tale...

I know a guy in his 50s. He has 3 grown kids (2 girls, 1 boy).

His wife wanted the first kid, but he didn't. He conceded.

His wife wanted the second kid, but he didn't. He conceded.

His wife wanted the third kid. Same story.

Today, he is divorced. He claims his kids are the reason. They destroyed his marriage and made both he and his wife miserable. He never wanted the kids, and resented them and his wife. Still does to a large extent.

Today, he's happy (or claims to be). He loves his life, his job, his hobbies, friends, and his freedom.

His favorite member of his "family?" The dog.*

None of the above is to say "don't have kids." Just be certain you want them before taking unnecessary risks that will impact the rest of your life.

As for the notion that women regularly dupe men into having kids, well, yeah. Women are manipulative. Buyer beware.

On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women. - H. L. Mencken

* This is understandable because dogs are awesome.

 

[microphone head]

I had a very unexpected baby daughter when I was 18. Killed in a car crash when she was less than a year old. Never wanted to experience that shit again, so yeah - I'm with OP on not wanting any, but I guess for different reasons.

 

[shindig]

I'll probably adopt. But for the time being there's too much to do, places to go, things to do, that I wouldn't if I had an infant.

Also with all the drugs I've done in my life I can't imagine I'd have a normal kid........

 

[microphone head]

Also with all the drugs I've done in my life I can't imagine I'd have a normal kid........

 

[JakeStratham]

I think a lot of posters realize they are very close to the Walmart breeders they see so often. It has to be scary realizing that is your future, unless you go like Jake Stratham and not have sex with women.

For the record, I never made the above claim.

The main idea is that sex with women can be very expensive.* When you're 20, you're willing to pay the price. When you're my age and have had your fill, the price outstrips the value. The allure of a vagina no longer mesmerizes you like the siren's song.




* I'm not talking about buying dinner. I'm talking about...

- tolerating asinine conversation
- being expected to return phone calls
- dealing with jealousy
- enduring passive-aggressive behavior designed to prompt a specific response
- tears / anger when delivering unpalatable news
- etc.

 

[shindig]

You just need the right woman Jake, I don't deal with any of that. My gf makes 6 figures, is active in sports and other shit that keep her busy. And we very rarely argue. We don't msg each other or talk on the phone much. She doesn't like shopping. We're like the same person only she has a vagina and is way more competent than me in every way. At the same time I smoke weed, she never has, I hate sports, she loves them.

 

[GimpSpack]

I had a very unexpected baby daughter when I was 18. Killed in a car crash when she was less than a year old. Never wanted to experience that shit again, so yeah - I'm with OP on not wanting any, but I guess for different reasons.

Jesus fuck. Sorry to hear that, brotha :/ That's brutal.

 

[conjamuk]

You just need the right woman Jake, I don't deal with any of that. My gf makes 6 figures, is active in sports and other shit that keep her busy. And we very rarely argue. We don't msg each other or talk on the phone much. She doesn't like shopping. We're like the same person only she has a vagina and is way more competent than me in every way. At the same time I smoke weed, she never has, I hate sports, she loves them.

You got a one in a million girl there.

 

[Veritas]

Child support and vagina alimony = fucked.




Condom : 4.99

 

[furfing]

For the record, I never made the above claim.

The main idea is that sex with women can be very expensive.* When you're 20, you're willing to pay the price. When you're my age and have had your fill, the price outstrips the value. The allure of a vagina no longer mesmerizes you like the siren's song.




* I'm not talking about buying dinner. I'm talking about...

- tolerating asinine conversation
- being expected to return phone calls
- dealing with jealousy
- enduring passive-aggressive behavior designed to prompt a specific response
- tears / anger when delivering unpalatable news
- etc.

Man i think you didn't find the right one cause your experience seems pretty dramatic.

 

[Lucidity]

So Jake, in your exhaustive sexual reward vs. requisite effort matrix worksheet, does letting a dude suck your dick (if you close your eyes) compute to the positive quadrant of rationally justifiable scenarios?

I similarly open the floor to any enlightened-bachelor-philosopher-kings who may be present who might briefly lend their fervently independent, supremely logical minds to this small matter of inquiry. For having single handedly decoded and subverted the tyrannical scourge of the overtly anti-male world order running this planet, surely your minds are unparalleled to this purpose.

 

[lukep]

I had a very unexpected baby daughter when I was 18. Killed in a car crash when she was less than a year old.

Damn bro, I'm very sorry for your loss.

That had to be a whole level of soul-destroying pain that I can't even comprehend.

 

[fauxreal]

Kids = vagina bomb. No thanks.

 

[groneg]

This thread has been both strange (from the OPs perspective) and enlightening (from those of you who don't have kids).

I waited to have a kid more from fear than anything else. History typically repeats itself. If you have/had terrible parents, your inclination, no matter what you believe, will be to repeat what you experienced.

It's amazing how reflexive parenting can be. When something goes down your mind will grab your parents playbook. You'll find yourself going through the motions automatically before you realize what you're doing.

You'll hear parenting requires patience over and over. There actually is no word in the dictionary for the level of patience that you'll require.

On the flip side, having a healthy, growing child is incredible. The parents will just get this. The ones without kids just won't. I for sure didn't. I found kids to be a burden:

- "There should be a no-families-with-small-kids law" - at a restaurant
- "Would someone shut that fucking kid up" - on every flight
- "Who the fuck brings a baby to a movie!"

I don't even notice any of it any more. Half the time I'm that guy now

One last point - sorry to thread jack -- if you are single and do not want children, do not bother getting married. There is no point. The only thing marriage does that being single does not is legitimize your children. And that distinction seems to matter less and less as time goes on.

 

[Kiopa_Matt]

I think the cocaine wore off. OP's sleeping now.

 

[rusvik]

- "There should be a no-families-with-small-kids law" - at a restaurant
- "Would someone shut that fucking kid up" - on every flight
- "Who the fuck brings a baby to a movie!"

I don't even notice any of it any more. Half the time I'm that guy now

One last point - sorry to thread jack -- if you are single and do not want children, do not bother getting married. There is no point. The only thing marriage does that being single does not is legitimize your children. And that distinction seems to matter less and less as time goes on.

Bro, this is pretty much why people don't like kids, not because of the kids but because parents think like you.

All those concerns are perfectly legitimate. Small kids don't belong restaurants where people pay good money to enjoy their meals in intimacy. They do not belong on long flights, which is akin to torture for a hyper young kid. They absolutely do not belong as babies in a movie theater where they don't understand a thing.

It might sound harsh, but this really is the truth. Other people's kids are annoying as hell and every thinks so. Of course to you, they are the best thing in the world and rightfully so, but please have the awareness to realize that the world still doesn't revolve around your children.

 

[JakeStratham]

Bro, this is pretty much why people don't like kids, not because of the kids but because parents think like you.

All those concerns are perfectly legitimate. Small kids don't belong restaurants where people pay good money to enjoy their meals in intimacy. They do not belong on long flights, which is akin to torture for a hyper young kid. They absolutely do not belong as babies in a movie theater where they don't understand a thing.

It might sound harsh, but this really is the truth. Other people's kids are annoying as hell and every thinks so. Of course to you, they are the best thing in the world and rightfully so, but please have the awareness to realize that the world still doesn't revolve around your children.

This is a fair point.

When I see dog crap on my lawn, I don't think to myself, "Damn dog!" I think to myself, "What kind of owner allows her dog to shit on someone else's lawn without picking it up?" It's low-class behavior.

I was eating at a reasonably nice restaurant recently. There was a family with a young girl - I'm guessing 3 or 4 years old - sitting at a nearby table. The girl was shrieking like a banshee.

That alone didn't bother me. Young children shriek. But the parents let the kid shriek, destroying the otherwise calm atmosphere for the other customers. I didn't think to myself, "Damn kid!" Rather, I thought "What kind of person is willing to let her child destroy the atmosphere for everyone?"

On a side note regarding kids in restaurants, this article gave me a chuckle...

No kidding! Children not welcome to dine here – Eatocracy - CNN.com Blogs

The comments are interesting, too.

And here's a recent tweet from a chef in a Michelin-starred Chicago restaurant...

"Tbl brings 8mld. It cries. Diners mad. Tell ppl no kids? Subject diners 2crying? Ppl take infants 2 plays? Concerts? Hate saying no, but.."

lol at "It cries."

Source: Chef's tweet about crying baby in high-end restaurant causes a stir - NY Daily News

 

[jeffrey]

This is a fair point.


No kidding! Children not welcome to dine here – Eatocracy - CNN.com Blogs

I've eaten at the Grandview Saloon & Steakhouse many times, mainly because my sister used to work there through college. I remember when they refused to let an Asian couple in with their kids and the Asian couple had absolutely no clue what they were talking about.

 

[erect]

the outcome of cognitive dissonance

People who have kids, RARELY say they regret it, because their brains are pumping out a fuck TON of chemicals to bond with their child. They start shifting their purpose in the world towards raising their kids to live on their own.

 

[dreamache]

We've taken our kids out a few times to restaurants (no where fancy, just places like fucking applebees.) The few times they got loud / annoying at like age 2'ish, one of us took them outside or walked around. We didn't spank them like morons (after all, they're 2, they're curious and want to play), and we didn't force everyone to get irritated with our annoying kids; we just occupied them in other ways or we got our food to go.