"My Trip To The DMV" or "Get Fucked" by ITE
- 6am: I wake up and get moving so I can be on the road by 8:00am ( I need to do this because despite the fact that I live less than 3 miles from a DMV office, the closest DMV that handles out-of-state license applications is 30 minutes from where I live.
- 8am: I leave the house, get cash from an ATM and grab a breakfast sandwich, before driving for approximately 30 minutes
- 8:45am: I arrive at the DMV office 30 minutes before they open to find a line of 50 people waiting outside. Stand in line for 30 minutes in the parking lot.
- 9:15am: DMV worker comes outside and collects everyone from the line who is there for a driving test (not me, I just need to file some paperwork and pay for my new license), these fortunate sons-of-bitches get to go into some side door, while the rest of us stand on the blacktop in the sun.
- 9:20am: After rounding up all the road test people, the DMV worker comes out and explains to us that due to fire code restrictions, a limited number of people from the line will be allowed in the building at one time, while the rest of us will have to wait outside until people leave the building. He goes on to say that we should be thankful that it's a sunny day and not raining. My blood begins to boil at this point, when I realize he's actually trying to tell me to be thankful that I am fortunate enough to have my time wasted on a "nice" day.
At this point he opens the doors (5 mins late) and lets about 30 people into the building, leaving 20 of us outside.
- 9:30am: 3 people leave the building, and the doorman lets 20 more of us inside. At first, I think the fire code has somehow changed in the last 15 minutes, but when I get inside the building, I see that there are easily 60 unoccupied chairs, and that this doorman guy is just a lying piece of shit who gets off on making people stand in a fucking line when there are chairs inside waiting for them.
Once I get inside, I look for a document table for the single form I need to fill out. There is no such table, so I get in the information line to get my number.
- 9:40am: I get up to the information booth where some faggot with a clipboard asks me if I have my documents and forms. I tell him I've got my documents, but that there are no forms, so no, I don't have the form I need. He then gives me the form I need, and tells me to fill it out, and then "check in" at the photobooth.
- 9:45am: I fill the form out in under a minute, and then go to wait in the line for the "check in", which consists of a touchscreen kiosk where I am asked to enter my name, and the reason for my visit to the DMV.
After I do this, the kiosk instructs me to stand back and look at the camera while it snaps my photo, before printing out a receipt with a barcode on it. I'm impressed that they have automated the DL photo process.
I show the clipboard faggot my completed form (he doesn't take it, he just needs to see that I've fucking filled it out), he gives me a number (B206) and I sit down to wait.
- 9:50am: The board is showing lots of "A", "C", "D", and "F" numbers being called, but no B group numbers. I notice that only about 60% of the service windows actually have somebody standing at them.
- 9:55am: The first "B" group number is called (B201). My heart leaps, as I realize I am only 5 numbers away from being called, (maybe).
- 10:07am: They call B203. 60% of the service windows are still vacant.
- 10:12am: They call B204 and B205.
- 10:17am: My number is called, and I go to my service window. There's a nice looking middle aged woman wearing a wrist support there. I've been on the DMV property for an hour and a half at this point. She scans the little bar-code receipt I got from the check-in kiosk.
- 10:42am: After some kind of issue that required a supervisor to solve, my document verification, form submission is complete. I pay the $40 fee, and I'm happy to discover that out-of-state license holders don't have to pay the full $84 license fee. She takes my old license, my passport, my social security card, and my proof of address documents, so now I can't leave, even if I want to. I'm told to wait to hear my name called so I can take my vision test.
- 10:54am: My name is called for the vision test, and I go see some asshole who is wearing the same outfit as the "doorman" who made up the bullshit firecode story. All of the women at the DMV wear normal clothes, like dresses and skirts, flower print blouses, etc, but every man seems to be wearing the same "quasi-cop" costume, that consists of a black polo shirt with a DMV logo, black cargo pants, boots, and a fucking utility belt. They also all seem to be sporting the "high and tight" cop haircut. It occurs to me that martinets gonna martinet, and then this new asshole asks me if I wear contacts or glasses to drive (I don't) and has me look inside a vision testing machine.
- 10:55am: I'm asked to read one line of text, consisting of 12 characters of 12 point type at a distance of about 14 inches.
I read the line off, and then ttwo light bulbs start flashing, one to my left, and one to my right. Fuckface asks me where the flashing lights are, and I tell him "on both sides", he says "congratulations! you passed!"
Total time to take and pass the "vision test": less than 15 seconds.
I'm told to wait until I hear my name called.
- 11:00am: I move to the front row of seats, because to woman who is doing the name calling has an impossibly tiny voice, and the room is loud and full of people. I've got some difficulty hearing when there is a lot of background noise, so I need to make sure I can see her.
- 11:05am: Two big fat girls sit down next to me and start talking to each other in Spanish. I have no idea what they are talking about.
- 11:15am: A Polish couple is at the window directly in front of me, struggling with the language barrier. They have a young son, maybe three years old. After about 10 minutes, this little kid lays down and puts his face on the floor and closes his eyes. I realize that this little kid and myself are cut from the same cloth, because all I want to do is just lay down and die.
- 11:20am: My name is called, and I go up to the window where a smiling fat woman tells me I need to give her $84 to get my license.
I explain to her that I was just transferring, and that I already paid the $40 fee, and she tells me tthat money was just for the transfer and that now I need to pay an additional $84 to get my license even though the paperwork for an in-state application and an out-of-state application are exactly the same.
I pay her, and then she tells me to step in front of a blue screen to have my picture taken. At this point I realize that my "check-in" kiosk photo had nothing to do with my DL, and everything to do with preventing people from sending someone to the DMV to wait in line for them. If the photo taken at "check-in" doesn't match the photo that comes up when they scan the bar-code receipt, you don't get served. This infuriates me.
- 11:25am: Some fat fuck in a phony cop uniform takes my picture and then tells me to wait until my name is called. I go sit down
- 11:35am: My name is called, fat fuck gives me my license, and without saying a word, I turn around and walk out.
- 12:05pm: I get back home and look at the picture on my license. I'm not smiling in it.
Total Cost: $124
Total Wait Time: 2.3 hours
Total Transit Time: 1 hour
Last edited:
