Ask Nicky Anything About His Past Thread.

I love stories like this. It raises my level of respect for someone tremendously when I find out they have a "past" and have turned their lives around.

Questions:
Were there any books that you read along your journey that helped you keep going the right path?

Do you go to weekly meetings still?

How close do you think you came to death?

Was there a single moment that you remember where you decided, "I can't live like this anymore?"
 


While addicted was suicide ever a thought? Or was all you cared about drugs so you had to live to do the drugs.


I'm asking because I have an uncle who was addicted and who is also an alcoholic (sober for 9 years) and it seems that he went through some of the most unimaginable shit ever. Through the stories he tells he says that suicide never crossed his mind.

From your perspective why would suicide not play a role in an addict who sees himself going nowhere when at it's worst?
 
When you were new to AM, how did you deal with the networking / parties at Affiliate Summit-type events, which basically involve people getting drunk and hanging out? I've gone to some sober but felt totally out of place. Not sure how to overcome that and make some last connections...
 
B 4 I Fu Ru 18 said:
While addicted was suicide ever a thought? Or was all you cared about drugs so you had to live to do the drugs.


I'm asking because I have an uncle who was addicted and who is also an alcoholic (sober for 9 years) and it seems that he went through some of the most unimaginable shit ever. Through the stories he tells he says that suicide never crossed his mind.

From your perspective why would suicide not play a role in an addict who sees himself going nowhere when at it's worst?
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You have to understand that with opiate addiction, being "at your worst" is being in a euphoric drug-induced stupor which feels good enough to make you forget about anything you really cared about. In my mind, anyway, I could justify anything wrong in my life as just par for the course, even when I had lost everything. As long as I could still get fucked up, life was good.
 
Out of all places to move, why vegas ?

We are known for the hub of identity theft, tons of drugs, and some of the most shady businesses operate from here.

Most everything you got charged with is stuff that thrives here.

And you seemed to rehab quickly, which puts you in the top 1% of all ex felons/drug addicts, so if you are not shady anymore good for you, but again you would have to be in that 1% .

I'm not trying to bash you or anything, but I have worked/lived out in vegas for 5 years now and this is the best place to do shady things. This city is all about $$$$$$$$$$$$$. Just look at people who want to legally work of a house, you need a permit for it that is approved by the fire marshall! Its just $$$$$ for the county.. Or passing out flyers is another permit. Or forgetting to change your license plate over can be a $1k fine.. and it goes on and on.

Which is why vegas is all about $$$$$$$$$ nothing less.
 
malpais said:
When you were new to AM, how did you deal with the networking / parties at Affiliate Summit-type events, which basically involve people getting drunk and hanging out? I've gone to some sober but felt totally out of place. Not sure how to overcome that and make some last connections...
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I'd been past the point where I felt awkward in business party situations for a while. If people start smoking weed and shit, I bounce, though. I'd leave if I started feeling awkward for sure. What's the point in hanging out at a party where you feel awkward?
 
RtotheJ said:
Out of all places to move, why vegas ?

We are known for the hub of identity theft, tons of drugs, and some of the most shady businesses operate from here.

Most everything you got charged with is stuff that thrives here.

And you seemed to rehab quickly, which puts you in the top 1% of all ex felons/drug addicts, so if you are not shady anymore good for you, but again you would have to be in that 1% .

I'm not trying to bash you or anything, but I have worked/lived out in vegas for 5 years now and this is the best place to do shady things. This city is all about $$$$$$$$$$$$$. Just look at people who want to legally work of a house, you need a permit for it that is approved by the fire marshall! Its just $$$$$ for the county.. Or passing out flyers is another permit. Or forgetting to change your license plate over can be a $1k fine.. and it goes on and on.

Which is why vegas is all about $$$$$$$$$ nothing less.
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As I mentioned earlier, I don't really go out much in vegas.
 
Out of curiosity, how old were you when you started using the more addictive drugs? I mean, I'm sure at some point it was recreational then led into addiction. It's good to see that you were able to pull yourself out of that and do a 180. Not many people have the will power to get themselves out of that sort of addiction. How old are you now?
 
Hey Cakes,

To be honest, I have no idea what the point of starting this thread and outing yourself was, but I know from personal experience that it isn't an easy thing to do.

I got myself a few felonies a few years back, and they really fuck with you for a long time.

Most people will never really understand how it happens, and just assume that everyone that's been in some trouble is a bad person, which blows, but that's how people are.

Good work man, and glad you got yourself clean. A lot of my lifelong friends couldn't do it, and I've lost many of them because of it.

for-you-older-motifakers-demotivational-poster-1254762766.jpg
 
I haven't read the whole thread, and i won't, plus i'm a WF n00b so what i say is pretty meaningless, but i'll say it anyway.

I had zero respect for you prior to your first post in this thread, i just saw you as another shoemoney with an agro usp.

Now, i'm pretty in awe of you. Serious amounts of respect Mr. Cakes. And then some. I'm moved by what you've posted and am pretty shocked that you even bothered, because i wouldn't have. Serious respect. :)
 
drew.clarke said:
I'm glad you came out of it and did something.

My brother took his own life last summer because he couldn't cope with the pain from methadone anyomre, it ruined our family and his four kids lives.

Selfish cunt.
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He's not selfish, he just reached his breaking point. Even though he left behind what you may consider now a ruined family and the lives of his kids ruined, you're wrong. Things have a strange way of working itself out. Sometimes though they don't, and it sucks. But overall, you should accept that he did it because he didn't want to suffer anymore. As much as we like to believe that its a selfish act, if you've never been to that point, then you have no idea how insane you feel when you're just about to make that decision to give up and end it all, or to pull back and keep trying. The bottom line is that we all die alone. It may be a dark way of looking at it, but its true, because we also all have breaking points where we just can't see the end of the tunnel or we just don't care anymore and its game over for us.

Suicide thoughts and going through with it are two separate evil animals. I've been down that road before. Nearly blasted my brains out the back of my head with a twelve-gauge shotgun when I was just about 16 years old. I had my own fucked up reasons, and I don't share those.. But not going through with it in the end, and actually tasting gun oil in the back of my mouth and having that "flash of your life before your eyes" experience left me with a profoundly different view on life and everything around me. Although it was a terribly scary and horrible experience, I later learned to embrace it and that's really when everything changed. Not sure if I'd do it all over the same way again, because a lot of those years made me into who I am today, but I certainly would have gone through that same near-suicide experience, that's for sure. Shit woke me the fuck up!

Sorry to hear about your brother, and I know its tough to lose a sibling like that, but don't spend time getting angry or upset over it. It just makes things tougher for you and resent him for things he probably lost total control over a long time ago, but just lost his will to fight any longer.
 
AllBizNiz said:
Out of curiosity, how old were you when you started using the more addictive drugs? I mean, I'm sure at some point it was recreational then led into addiction. It's good to see that you were able to pull yourself out of that and do a 180. Not many people have the will power to get themselves out of that sort of addiction. How old are you now?
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I was 17 when I started doing more serious shit. I hung out with a much older crowd, but it was definitely something I wanted to do and not their fault.
 
nickycakes said:
I was 17 when I started doing more serious shit. I hung out with a much older crowd, but it was definitely something I wanted to do and not their fault.
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Got any old pics to post of those Wonder Years with Winnie? We already have Paul here, and he's not Marilyn Manson.
 
Jon said:
Got any old pics to post of those Wonder Years with Winnie? We already have Paul here, and he's not Marilyn Manson.
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I'll try to find some. I used to have dreds and shit back then, but most are physical photos sitting in my parents house that I haven't scanned. I have a few at home that I'll post this evening haha. Be ready for some laughs.

As for pics during the really bad times around the end of '02, I don't think any exist outside of mugshots.
 
They gave me a large french fries instead of a small at the drive thru the other day. I didn't go back and tell them. At first I was like LOL :xomunch: but in light of everything happening on WF, I now feel kinda weird. I wonder what the old Cakes would have done? I hope I'm not a heroin addict. FML.
 
Jizzlobber said:
They gave me a large french fries instead of a small at the drive thru the other day. I didn't go back and tell them. At first I was like LOL :xomunch: but in light of everything happening on WF, I now feel kinda weird. I wonder what the old Cakes would have done? I hope I'm not a heroin addict. FML.
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Old cakes would go to the grocery store and just eat stuff then leave. Fuck a drive through.
 
Good damage control thread. Even if i think you're a hypocrite, its still not as bad as beeing a sheeple like a lot of ppl in here. At least you grew some balls, What i'm interested in is how you got this NickyCakes nickname? Did your drug friends name you NickyCakes?
 
dsaare said:
Good damage control thread. Even if i think you're a hypocrite, its still not as bad as beeing a sheeple like a lot of ppl in here. At least you grew some balls, What i'm interested in is how you got this NickyCakes nickname? Did your drug friends name you NickyCakes?
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No, that came well after. Really boring story. I sound like a radio dj named "johnny cakes" so they called me nicky cakes.
 
Give us the scoop on drug culture in west baltimore... anything like Basketball Diaries (which is a great book/movie for those who don't know)?
 
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