I want to get fired, please help.

Ha, this country.. "Don't do your job well so you can get fired and collect free money and sit on your ass all day!" - This country deserves to collapse with policies like this.
 


So I have been working a dead end 9 to 5 for the past 3 years, and due to good income last year I can qualify for California's highest unemployment payout ($450/week), the equivalent of being paid $10/hr full time. I need to get laid off in order to collect!!!

I really want to focus on my online monies and get out of this dead end job. I want to go on unemployment and put my online monies in my wife's name til I make enough paper to go off unemployment and into online monies full time.

It is a sales job, and I have been trying to purposely not make my numbers for the past 2 months, and my management is trying to "help me" get back on track. I literally brose the web all day. I respond to customer emails, but I don't take any phone calls and just let them hit voice mail.

Any idea's on what I can do to get laid off without doing anything malignant or insane that would disqualify me from unemployment?

Are you black?

 
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Thought this was relevant..

charlie-sheen-animated-gif.gif
 
His wife may be bugging him to get the unemployment. Because he's married it's not 100% his decision, and people who don't understand this business value the security of a regular check.
 
Show up to work dressed in a dress, leotards, high heels, and loads of makeup (I'm assuming you're a guy). Throw in a scratchy, faggy voice if you can do so. When anyone asks something from you, demand they call you "Madame", and throw a fit when they don't.

You'll be sacked within a few days, and if anyone causes fuss about you getting unemployment, just act all shocked, scream for a bit, and say you'll be going to the ACLU and filing for discrimination if they don't conform to your demands of free money.
 
If you want low taxes and no regulation, move to Somalia, ass. People complain all the time about this shit, but never put their money where their mouth is and GTFO.

Take a look at the migration pattern for earners to Texas and out of New York, Illinois, and California. People are leaving, they are just going to other states. That is the first level of migration. From high tax liberal bastions to low tax conservative states.
 
Take a look at the migration pattern for earners to Texas and out of New York, Illinois, and California. People are leaving, they are just going to other states. That is the first level of migration. From high tax liberal bastions to low tax conservative states.


^

Silicon valley is packing up and heading to Alabama of all fucking places. Cali has fucked itself in the ass. The majority of people still want to work for what they get, not have government handouts. Aside from very basic essentials such as roads, fire, police people don't want a million government services, they want to pick and choose the services they pay for.
 
Oh god as an employer I hate to even send this one out into the world as it pisses me off so damn bad.

Have you tried becoming a hypochondriac?
 
Hey OP... go fuck yourself.

I don't want to pay so your dumbass can leech off the system.


Man up. Grow balls. And take a leap. Otherwise stfu and stay in your shitty 9 to 5.
 
Be a man about it and just quit. You're an ass by being unproductive and draining your boss's pocket for your salary.
 
Considering the amount of money that will be stolen from each US citizen throughout the course of their lifetime in the form of insane fees, taxes, wasted effort due to regulations, and outright corruption... it's perfectly morally justified to get as much of that back as possible through whatever means possible. They take from you with guns; you're an idiot if you don't try to take some of it back.

Defrauding welfare/unemployment is stealing MY tax dollars. Hence making taxes go up for those of us with integrity and an means of income.

The government is not your mother regardless of what the Democrats say. Get off your ass and support yourself. If it was up to me every low life that wouldn't support him/herself would starve to death.

Then again I'm a product of the 50's. A time before America went downhill and establish all these so called entitlements.
 
I am a product of the Y Generation. I have never mowed a lawn, never fixed a broken car, and never chipped a nail. My mom did my laundry til I was 21, my dad still fixes my car when it breaks, and I have never been in a physical fight of any kind.

Because I have had it so easy, now that it has gotten tough, it is time to escape.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3BymQWsC_k]YouTube - ‪Fight Club[/ame]
 
^

Silicon valley is packing up and heading to Alabama of all fucking places. Cali has fucked itself in the ass. The majority of people still want to work for what they get, not have government handouts. Aside from very basic essentials such as roads, fire, police people don't want a million government services, they want to pick and choose the services they pay for.

True and correct sir ! Here in Alabama us rednecks don't care much for the panty waist liberals who steal our tax money to give it to those who are lazy. We have respect for the mentally challenged black guy that goes door to door in the business district asking to cut grass, wash windows, pick up trash, etc for some food money. To me that man is a real man. Not the low life that hang out at the shelter. Funny how none of the shelter rats are under weight. :)
 
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnhF1QAEZjU]YouTube - ‪Successful Troll Song ~with Lyrics~‬‏[/ame]
 
So I have been working a dead end 9 to 5 for the past 3 years, and due to good income last year I can qualify for California's highest unemployment payout ($450/week), the equivalent of being paid $10/hr full time. I need to get laid off in order to collect!!!

I really want to focus on my online monies and get out of this dead end job. I want to go on unemployment and put my online monies in my wife's name til I make enough paper to go off unemployment and into online monies full time.

It is a sales job, and I have been trying to purposely not make my numbers for the past 2 months, and my management is trying to "help me" get back on track. I literally brose the web all day. I respond to customer emails, but I don't take any phone calls and just let them hit voice mail.

Any idea's on what I can do to get laid off without doing anything malignant or insane that would disqualify me from unemployment?

It's stuff like this that makes me hope karma is real. I don't even have employees or an unemployment fund to contribute to and I'm annoyed...