My experience with hospital doctors, oncologists particularly, were positive.
However, my friend Scotty died on August 8. ** [Here's his wikipedia obituary - still don't know who put it in. My only add to it would be that he routinely would broke his claim to only fuck thin American blondes to fuck European and Australian blondes. He was the fucking man.]
He lived hard and didn't take care of himself when he got sick; he always had this "North of England" tough persona going on - which doesn't do jack shit in the face of cancer.
In fact, he wouldn't go to the doctor about it until he was spitting and coughing up blood. By then his lung cancer was stage 4 with 'mets' in his mind.
SO - he had his primary tumor removed from his lung in May - and then that brain op next. He had two more brain ops in two different hospitals. By the time we got him Rolls Royce treatment the doctor remarked he'd been treated like Frankenstein.
For this experience I'd opt for quality of life rather than curative when the odds are stacked against you. He never got much quality of life, just reduced experience and went out after months with no more than a childlike mind. And he was one sharp fellow.
All that said - there's a doctor I got to know, the infamous Dr. Lederman who made George Harrison sign guitars on his death bed.
This guy treats cancer the way bulldog prosectors treat court cases. Does not give a fuck about anything but his innovative radiosurgery techniques, his was yet another surreal chapter within a surreal experience - yet I cannot recommend a doctor more highly. His bedside manner atrocious, work ethic outstanding. Worth crossing an ocean for, plenty have.
I hope the best for you and your family. Spend as much time as possible with him.
I'll just add that while poring through cancer messageboards, I seemed to notice patterns, arcs of experience that desperate patients seemed to go through. The willingness to try anything, the lengths to go to for a cure or coming out the other side - and then ultimately, death.
It goes both ways. People will try any orthodox or alternative treatment. Brain radiosurgery is very risky and unfortunately he came out worse. That is what I don't like about orthodox treatments, its butchery.