The TRUE STORY
18 months : Mum took me to daycare. After a little while she came back to pick me up.
5 years - 6 years : commended regularly.
8 years: mugged by a teenager, managed to escape via the exit door of a taco bell bathroom. A couple weeks later I was spotted by the same kid, he chased me shouting he wanted more lunch money, and narrowly escaped by beside a car disguised as a wheel.
9 years: tackled by an older boy who attempted to hit me with a plastic bottle.
9 years: had my play fort and played with matches
9 years: given detention after hurting a kid with a baseball. The attack was racially motivated (I hate blacks).
11: forced to perform tenor sax for an older boy
12: threatened by 3 boys, one with a crow bar because I liked the same girl as one of the boys.
16: crazed man stood at his porch babbling about "mormons like you", only stopped when I told him I wasn't mormon, and hated them too.
17: my jaw hurt from a sucker punch from the side by someone I would torment
17: the girl I was dating disappeared. wasn't at school, teachers, friends, even siblings wouldn’t tell me where she was. As is usually the case, I thought her abusive dad had finally killed her, chopped her up into little pieces, kept the good meat in the freezer, and mailed the rest to Government buildings. Drove to their house, left car running so I could escape (expected to be shot at), and stormed into her house screaming “I am the machine!” and confronted her dad. They'd sent her to a safe house to "fix her" because she was dating me, a "paranoid schizophrenic". Did not get shot at, but imagined a million scenarios where I had been shot at, and how I would have reacted. The drive home was cool.
A week later she sneaked a call out, but could only tell me it was a large blue building near train tracks in provo utah. A week later I packed my shit up, left home, and drive to find her. Went to the county assessors office, and they appeased me by showing a world map. I found some tracks and wrote down the addresses of the largest buildings near tracks, and started searching. Found the place, watched it till Sunday whilst listening to “Every breath you take”, and when a large van left I followed it to Church. Waited till service was in session, then went in and sat on the row behind her. Tapped her on the shoulder. Her look was priceless.
18: I went to a gas station
18: my girlfriend and I moved in together. 2 weeks later she brought her ex-boyfriend home, came in the front door holding hands, looked at me, walked straight into the bedroom. I didn’t want to be rude and waited for them to finish before asking what was going on.
20: (we were doing nearly 100mph on an icy two lane road) (we were doing nearly 100mph on an icy two lane road) (we were doing nearly 100mph on an icy two lane road) (we were doing nearly 100mph on an icy two lane road) (we were doing nearly 100mph on an icy two lane road) (we were doing nearly 100mph on an icy two lane road)
21: a angry client sent photos with movie style X's and death threats. Despite having earlier driven to the home of someone I suspected of having murdered my girlfriend, and if armed, would have no qualms about shooting me, I thought I should be extra cautious about my client’s idle threats and called the police. They laughed and said they would get interpol and the doj to take statements from me.
22: was gaming pretty hard, was in a CSS clan. When I left the clan the founder of the clan threatened to kill my entire family and bury the bodies under his house. We lol’d.
It's been pretty mundane since then, and as a result of my experiences I go out of my way to help people, I seem to gain respect very easily, and take command of almost any situation. The shit I went through sucked, but I wouldn't change most of it.
