Legit Simple Life Tips

dmnEPC said:
Put salt on poison ivy to heal quicker and instant itch relief.
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Speaking of poison ivy: Don't smoke it. The effect is much different on your lungs than it is on your skin. It doesn't itch, it just irritates the lungs enough to burn like hell, filling your lungs with your own fluids, and slowly drowning you to death. A slow and agonizing death.
 


papajohn56 said:
Why buy crack? Just suck dick for it.
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That reminds me of something I was thinking about last night.

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdffy8gl7rw]George Bush Took A Bag Of Crack To The Oval Office (1989) - YouTube[/ame]

(Ignore the annoying music).

When Bush Sr. had this bag of crack, do you think at any point he had possession of it, he thought "make sure you don't leave Junior alone with this" or "I wonder what this stuff is like?".
 
How to wipe with only one piece of toilet paper left:

1. Take the final square of toilet paper and pinch the center out of it.
2. Set the small center piece to the side (you will need it later).
3. Stick your finger all the way through the center hole in the big piece to your knuckle.
4. Cram the finger up your ass knuckle-deep then slowly remove.
5. Use your other hand to wrap the big piece of toilet paper around the finger and squeeze as you remove your finger from the center hole (This cleans your finger!).
6. Now take the small center piece you pinched out and use it to clean out from under your finger nail.
7. Viola, you have just wiped with one piece of toilet paper!

In my e-book I'll give you other bonus secrets, such as "Don't panic, just wipe with your underwear and throw them behind the toilet! Just make sure your mom didn't write your initials on the tag!" and more!
 
(O_o) said:
if you mix bleach with ammonia, it helps clean stuff better.
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and when you are done cleaning:

morecrystals.jpg
 
DOG OWNERS. Avoid getting fined for failing to clean up after your pooch by carrying a joke shop dog poo around with you in a transparent polythene bag when you walk your pet.

FEMALE SHOP assistants. When a garage mechanic comes to your till, add on a selection of random items they didn't know they needed, and charge them £50 labour costs for the transaction.

SINGLE MEN. Get a glimpse of married life by taping Woman's Hour on Radio 4, then playing it back at a higher volume than the TV whilst trying to watch something on Discovery Wings.

DON'T WASTE money on phone calls for mobile screen savers. Just cut out the one you want from the advert and stick it on your phone..

SMARTIES tubes pushed over cats' legs make for a futuristic 'space cat'. For a really space age look, cover the tubes in tin foil as well as your pet's tail. This also works with small dogs and the middles out of kitchen rolls.

DOG LOVERS. Reduce your chances of going blind by only buying brown or black labradors.


LADIES. Make your own industrial floor polisher by sliding a pair of your hubbie's towelGAYling socks onto the blades of a Flymo.

THRIFTY shoppers. Save cash when buying apples in the supermarket by removing the stalks to reduce the weight. You'll be smiling all the way to the checkout on your 176th visit as you effectively claim your free apple.

IF YOU WANT your mother-in-law never to come back to your house, buy her a razor for Christmas.

GENTS. SAVE yourself embarrassment on washday. Place a strip of 1-inch wide sellotape in the gusset of your underpants every morning. This can simply be wiped clean after any unfortunate accidents.

BUYING CHAIN or wire at a DIY store? Cut off the length you want and abandon it elsewhere in the store. Next day, buy it from the reduced bucket for half price.

FOOL YOUR friends into thinking you use expensive butter by simply using cheap margerine and ripping holes in the bread.

HOUSEWIVES. When washing clothes, pop a couple of teabags in the washer instead of soap powder, milk where the fabric conditioner should go and put it on a boil wash. Hey presto, when the clothes are washed you can enjoy a nice cup of tea.


Viz top tips ftw.
 
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