Thanks for the reads, bros.
Went to bar w buddies in bar yesterday, and totally forgot about it for the evening. Now I only have to become a raging alcohol and pool shark - and I'm in the clear.
But for srs, pretty much going to be going down the list and doing all this to relieve this crap - finish off the 6 pack, find a breathing yogibro to start doing some yoga [when I do excessive ab work - I do feel kind of 'free' for next little while + my folks used to always tell me I forget to breathe - so good chance of this contibuting to my issue], reading into NLP to start de-stressing that way, start picking up my phone again.
I'm thinking of maybe getting my dealer to get me a couple of tablets of Xanax/something just for extreme attacks. I've read the horror stories - but I doubt a tab once a week on a really bad day will develop any dependancy. But will definately end that "stressing about stressing loop" which fucks up the next 3 days for me. This would just be temporary bandaid until I clear some of these other blankets of stress, and a bandaid I take once a week, not daily/etc.
And last but not least, I'm going to begin practicing the whole "I am but a speck of dust on a planet which is a speck of dust in the universe" thought process - but that's definately going to be the hardest part and something tells me this takes some people most of their life to figure out. Or we'd all be walking around enlightened and wouldn't know negative anything.