I'm training to be a Witch.



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I tried to learn what wicca or witchcraft were all about once, I came away feeling like it was basically whatever you wanted it to be. And magic was basically done with a spice rack.
 
Somewhere in every major city, there's an old homeless man pushing a shopping trolley. Give him $5 and wish him well. He will say "God bless you". At that point, you must ask him "What god do you pray to?". Any other wording and it will not work. He should respond "The one most high" and hand you an old bible. Take the bible and wordlessly go on your way.

Inside, you will find the sort of insane scriptures you'd expect from a madman. You must read the book cover to cover, leaving out nothing. From the time you open it to the time you read the final page, you will receive bad luck, losing your family, your home and your possessions, until you find yourself pushing a shopping cart and raving about the one most high. If you finish the book, you will receive good luck for the rest of your life.

Godspeed.