How to handle job plus home balance

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johnjassa

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Mar 19, 2010
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I have never used this forum as advice on personal life matters but I will today. I work a job which pretty much takes every ounce out of me. I am a medical resident so some months I work 80 hours plus a week. My wife hates it because I am always at work and when I come home I am too tired do anything. She works from home so she feels stuck at home and she moved out here from California and has limited social interaction.
The fucked up thing is when I finally have a weekend off I get stressed out more than when I have to work because I know eventually when we have time to spend we end up getting into an argument because she will complain how she is so lonely and came out here for me basically things which I cannot change. It pisses me off cuz I am the one working like a dog bringing the money.
 


Sounds like you both have some major issues seeing the other person's point of view, and both of you are unhappy for different reasons.

You either need to sit down and talk it through (sounds unlikely), or go find a couples counsellor you can both work with to mediate. Either way, needs resolving otherwise it will blow up into a massive hate filled divorce a year or two down the line.
 
Assuming you're not just trolling...

Is there a question in there somewhere? Are you asking how to build an online business when you're working 80 hours a week in your job?

Because if so, 2 things spring to mind.. The first is get your wife involved somehow - have her write articles, build websites, troll wickedfire, whatever. If you work set it up right, you could even call the time you're also working on your business "time together". The second thing I'd do if you don't have any time is buy existing passive income sites - MFA's or affiliate sites and outsource the ongoing SEO.
 
amateursurgeon said:
Sounds like you both have some major issues seeing the other person's point of view, and both of you are unhappy for different reasons.

You either need to sit down and talk it through (sounds unlikely), or go find a couples counsellor you can both work with to mediate. Either way, needs resolving otherwise it will blow up into a massive hate filled divorce a year or two down the line.
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+1 OP's wife is needy as fuck and can't see the end game, nor what is involved to get there.
 
get out of here and read some related books. if you dont have time, ask people personally to get healthier answer.
 
She will cheat on you the first chance she gets - No Bullshit!

If she doesn't understand whats going on and doesn't give you space than your in trouble. My situation is a little reversed because I work from home 100+ hours a week and all my girl sees is the back of my head when she comes home.

When we talk its me going on a rampage of all the cool IM things im up to or the people that pissed me off in my other business.

She knows everything I do is for "us" and I know she gets stressed but stays understanding. The more I shove her to the side the worse I feel. This makes me feel guilty and want to spend time with her. I will decide to take her out to dinner or sometimes we just need a weekend get away together.
 
John, hang in there. I have been married for almost 6 years now and can tell you that what you are going through is very similar to what I am going through and have went through in the past. A couple of years ago I allowed my hubby to leave his job to go to school full time and I continued to work. It was so overwhelming, so he went back to work...only to get laid off 6 months later. He ended up being out of work for 2 years and stayed home with the kids, 3 at the time, while I worked 15 hours almost each day. I hated the world! I was so tired every single day, which meant no quality time with hubby (if you know what I mean), all I wanted to do was sleep. I wanted a divorce, I was so depressed, I wanted to quit my job to relieve the stress, I wanted to run away with Matthew Mcconaughey or Justin Timberlake...you get the point. Now, we have ups and downs as every marriage couple does, but we are much stronger. People have to learn that went times get hard...you don't just run away. What you are going through is what so many married couples go through daily, you are not alone. Are there any kids involved? You need to get a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons of your marriage. If the cons outweigh the pros...don't run. You need to properly analyze the cons and figure out a way to talk to her about it. Figure out how big or small the cons really are...is it worth ending the marriage? Probably not. Most likely, if you do end it, your next relationship is going to mimic or be worst than this one.

Noelle

The Only Way Success Comes Before Work Is In The Dictionary!
 
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Big Joe said:
She will cheat on you the first chance she gets - No Bullshit!

If she doesn't understand whats going on and doesn't give you space than your in trouble. My situation is a little reversed because I work from home 100+ hours a week and all my girl sees is the back of my head when she comes home.

When we talk its me going on a rampage of all the cool IM things im up to or the people that pissed me off in my other business.

She knows everything I do is for "us" and I know she gets stressed but stays understanding. The more I shove her to the side the worse I feel. This makes me feel guilty and want to spend time with her. I will decide to take her out to dinner or sometimes we just need a weekend get away together.
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agreed she will cheat on you first chance she gets
 
Peguesen said:
John, hang in there. I have been married for almost 6 years now and can tell you that what you are going through is very similar to what I am going through and have went through in the past. A couple of years ago I allowed my hubby to leave his job to go to school full time and I continued to work. It was so overwhelming, so he went back to work...only to get laid off 6 months later. He ended up being out of work for 2 years and stayed home with the kids, 3 at the time, while I worked 15 hours almost each day. I hated the world! I was so tired every single day, which meant no quality time with hubby (if you know what I mean), all I wanted to do was sleep. I wanted a divorce, I was so depressed, I wanted to quit my job to relieve the stress, I wanted to run away with Matthew Mcconaughey or Justin Timberlake...you get the point. Now, we have ups and downs as every marriage couple does, but we are much stronger. People have to learn that went times get hard...you don't just run away. What you are going through is what so many married couples go through daily, you are not alone. Are there any kids involved? You need to get a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons of your marriage. If the cons outweigh the pros...don't run. You need to properly analyze the cons and figure out a way to talk to her about it. Figure out how big or small the cons really are...is it worth ending the marriage? Probably not. Most likely, if you do end it, your next relationship is going to mimic or be worst than this one.

Noelle
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Just remember that a BJ can fix just about anything.

You should give your hubby one now and tell him someone from your job suggested it. He'll never complain about you working to much again.
 
I appreciate your responses. No, there are no children involved. Also, no not trying to figure out a business while working 80 hours from home since when I come home just way too tired. Residency is grueling enough.
No, not trolling I wish that were the case just been having a very rough time and I know there are some good people on this forum and wanted their insight.
Thanks again for all of your input.
 
1) Your situation is fucked.
2) Your wife is right.
3) You can change it but you may have to actually make tough choices and stop being coddled by the establishment.
 
I know exactly what you are going through.. I used to work and do IM at the same time but that was way too hectic for me. By the time I got home, I was way too tired to do anything let alone even give my husband attention. Good thing he has his PS3 games to distract him =)

Right now, I work full time in IM plus do some projects for myself.. On the other hand, my husband is the one who is working 10 hours a day and comes home very tired so I know what he feels like. I don't have any girlfriends either so I can see why she feels lonely.

What I do recommend though is taking a day out of the weekend for you both to spend together. Otherwise, try to get her to make some friends by doing extra activities maybe like volunteering and stuff. As for yourself, it seems like you are working way too much. You might want to cut down on your hours if your job permits and this way the both of you won't be as stressed, allowing you both to see more of each other.
 
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Your wife sounds selfish man, no offence. Sit her down and talk to her, and a real fuckin firm talk. I'd never put up with that shit. Those kind of women annoy the fuck out of me. Only care about themselves.
 
i think this is one of the reasons why medics date/marry within the profession, nobody else understands their passion/career.

When you marry a non med, they will not understand your circumstance and get that when you do get some time off it has to be stress free, just quality time, recharge and get back to work again.
 
johnjassa said:
I have never used this forum as advice on personal life matters but I will today. I work a job which pretty much takes every ounce out of me. I am a medical resident so some months I work 80 hours plus a week. My wife hates it because I am always at work and when I come home I am too tired do anything. She works from home so she feels stuck at home and she moved out here from California and has limited social interaction.
The fucked up thing is when I finally have a weekend off I get stressed out more than when I have to work because I know eventually when we have time to spend we end up getting into an argument because she will complain how she is so lonely and came out here for me basically things which I cannot change. It pisses me off cuz I am the one working like a dog bringing the money.
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lol @ this guy for always trolling wickedfire and hatin' on people, we find out:
-you would rather work 80 hours a week doing menial work because if you were making any real money online, you wouldn't be bothering with that shit

TAKE THAT FAG
 
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