Okay, let's see. I was going to try and handle each case individually behind closed e-mail doors but I eventually figured it would be easier to lay everything out on here just to get everyone on the same page. Regardless of how embarrassing and incredibly humbling it may be. First off, the quick backstory:
Some of you (who were around for it) may remember back to the beginning of this year when I was MIA for about a month or so. I documented on here briefly a summary of what went down -- basically it involved me going into a detox and rehab for opiate addiction. I got myself turned around for a good portion of the year and was doing well and remaining productive.
However, I ended up getting a bit too comfortable and eventually began telling myself a few weeks (in which I had started drinking regularly again) that I was strong enough to do some Oxy's, Perks or Vikes from time to time. Though, for anyone who even knows just a fucking smidgeon about addiction -- that just isn't the way it works. Unfortunately...
I fell and I fell hard. I begun to take on about 3-4 times as much work as I normally would in order to help support the habit and also ensure that I had at least a good portion of my half of the bills each month. Eventually I ended up getting bogged down but since I'm a moron and love to tell people what they want to hear, I kept quoting entirely-too-quick ETA times -- mainly because it's just a bad habit. I will never try to admit that my content writing has been the most punctual, but for the most part when I did send it in it was of quality. Always on time? Not so much.
Somewhere along the line I tried to get a group of other freelance writers under me to help with the vast workload and I would edit what they sent in an effort to keep my quality level consistent. Suffice to say, that didn't work very well at all, either. (Although I did discover exclusivewrites and a few others who are better writers and more importantly, more punctual and responsible than I could ever hope to be)
On the addiction side of things, eventually -- like all things -- shit hit the fan. After falling from a fucking skyscraper. About a week ago I needed to go and get something but didn't have access to any funds in which to get it. It fucked with my head quite a bit and I actually ended up trying to smash one of my fingers (one of the one's I didn't need for typing of course!) in with a hammer. I ended up hitting it three different times, trying my best to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel thoughts (which in my warped, fucked-up case was ample prescriptions to some pain meds -- ideally some Oxy's) but unfortunately (fortunately I guess though, now that I'm looking back in a somewhat sane state) I didn't do any serious damage. Suffice to say, I woke up the next morning and was able to look back on what happened in a somewhat more clear light. There's really no way around it -- that's certainly not something that normal people do. What in the FUCK was I thinking? Trust me when I say this -- it certainly wasn't one of my proudest moments. But as they say, the night is the darkest just before dawn. Or something like that. But it was definitely fucking a dark night right then...
I knew I had a problem before but at that point I knew I had to try something different recovery wise in order to get my fucked up ass on track.
To make this portion of a long story short, I got an appointment with a doctor specializing in addictions and he put me on Suboxone -- which basically helps to alleviate all the cravings and more importantly, makes it so that even if you do opiates they won't do shit for you. Literally -- they won't work. It's used primarily so that people who're addicted to opiates can get back on their feet and help try and get their fucking shit together. And as we've seen from the last part of this thread recently, I indeed have a lot of shit that I need to get together. And I plan on doing just that.
Now, onto the more important topic of everyone who I've unfortunately inconvenienced and most certainly let down. Please believe me on this -- I plan to pay back every single one of you what I owe. In addition, if you would let me, I'd like to complete all the articles I owe each of you AND pay you back (if applicable) in order to make things right as best I can. I'm not going to make the same mistake and try and say I'll be able to get everyone paid back in 2-3 days or anything. In a perfect world, ideally, I'm hoping to get everything all set with everyone on here by the 1st of January 2010 (a little less than a month away).
I have no one to blame but myself for what has happened and I hope most of you can find it in your hearts to accept my sincere apologies and understand that admitting all of this on here isn't the easiest thing I've ever done. If not, then that's cool too. Completely understandable.
Please know that I have every intent to set things right with each of you contrary to how rocky things have been going thus far. So far the shit I'm taking has been working great -- I don't have hardly any cravings at all, I'm not so fucking pissed off and semi-depressed all the time and I've resumed going to daily AA meetings once again (in addition to working part time at my buddies moving company -- something that's humbled the shit out of me and showed me just how good I had it having the privilege to write for all of you for a living) and I haven't felt this good about my future in a long time. At least sobriety-wise that is.
While it's certainly humbling coming on here and telling everyone this -- especially the part with the hammer -- that was just fucking stupid as fuck -- it needed to be done.
On a related sidenote, I'm also going to take a long break from writing freelance on here (save for a select few people I've continously wrote for for a while) and frankly, I really don't even think I even deserve to. So it's probably going to be indefinitely.
In conclusion, once again, I sincerely apologize. I'm not sure how much many of you know about addiction and stuff, but please know that this was certainly nothing personal. I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be doing much of anything nevermind handling in-good-faith up front payments from people who for the most part, have treated me far too kindly then I've deserved. If you'd like to substitute the article orders you'd originally put in for others then that's perfectly okay, but I really do wish to not only complete what each of you had ordered, but also pay you back as well. It will make me feel better about all of this because, quite frankly, I've felt like complete and utter shit with this WF situation alone -- nevermind the whole addiction shit. In my mind, there's nothing else more I could do besides that to show how sorry I am that any of this has occurred.
Threehundred, your order got lost in the shuffle and since I lost everything on my old computer from a virus, I didn't have any records of the job through Wicked Fire PM logs that I usually search in my e-mail if I can't remember a particular job. I believe you had originally IM'd me about the job which was why I couldn't find it when I was trying to piece everything I had together about any still-to-be completed jobs. My offer I discussed previously of course applies to you. There's really no excuses for why it's nearly been two months for your order, but I would appreciate it immensely if you let me do what I can to make things as close to right as I can hope to get them.
The lesson, as always, is don't do drugs kids. You might end up trying to smash your finger with a hammer. Seriously though, if you use opiates of any kind -- be fucking careful. Tis a slipper slope with opium and thankfully I was lucky and didn't go down the heroin route although that probably would have been a better business decision since it would have been cheaper. As many of us know though, my business sense is horrible so there we go. I'm glad I didn't, though. From what I've seen heroin able to do -- it's no joke.
All in all, I still fucked up big time though and everyone has every right to be mad.
But please... just bear with me while I go about making things right. And I WILL make everything right. I swear on Acai!