Do you or will you spank your children?
- Thread starter dreamache
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As a pre-toddler, the occasional swat on the diaper when she was trying to jam a pb&j into my dvd player ... or a knife in a socket. If they can't talk, you can't reason.
What I'm talking about isn't a spanking so much as a crack of the whip to get attention and make sure they know that shit isn't flying.
After aside from that, I've never even considered it
What I'm talking about isn't a spanking so much as a crack of the whip to get attention and make sure they know that shit isn't flying.
After aside from that, I've never even considered it
Somehow, I think we are raising a generation of pussies, if we don't spank. If a kid does something REALLY REALLY REALLY stupid, yeah it's warranted.
The problem is you've got kids running around making noise all day, and it gets ridiculous. This is because during school or some other random time, they take a nap. Have you ever taken a nap during the day? Even a 30 minute nap can give you renewed energy to go all hours late into the night. So image a kid, with their fast metabolisms, taking naps. You're asking for trouble. Then you pump them up with all the sugar, and forget about it.
Good luck.
wtf, lol, are you saying naps are not natural? babies nap/sleep throughout most of the day.. they go to sleep 4/5 times. after awhile, they go from 3 a day, to 2, to 1... right now our 2 1/2 (almost 3 yr old) still takes naps, not because we tell her she has to, but because it's what comes naturally. sometimes she won't take a nap, other times she will; they're entirely based on whether or not she's tired. if we try to get her to avoid taking a nap, good fucking luck with that; she's a nightmare to deal with.
it worked for centuries, and kids had more respect. nowadays, precious little Johnny don't deserve any punishment
I am really referring to 4+ and above. I don't think it's sensible to spank a kid that is under 4, that's doesn't make sense, since they are still forming concepts of reality. You have these pre-school kids taking naps in the middle of the day, giving them more energy, yet almost no adult takes naps, when they should even if for 30 mins. So you got a bunch of kids running around on sugar, fully energized, and a worn out adult, that's a recipe for disaster. If you want kids to be not bounce off the walls, reduce their naps, or increase your own. Kids misbehave when they have too much time on their hands and nothing to do. Trust me, I used to be one. This all going back to spanking, and what's appropriate. Yes, I believe spanking is appropriate, BUT if is a REALLY REALLY REALLY serious stunt the kid pulled, life or death, or plan destruction while knowing the cause.
spanking no, a smack yes.
In some very exceptional cases spanking might be necessary, but it is only so if the parent has failed miserably.
In some very exceptional cases spanking might be necessary, but it is only so if the parent has failed miserably.
Well in the end, I think if a person is tired, if possible, they shouldn't ignore it. If you're tired, your body is telling you you need rest. This should apply to anyone at any age..
Right, that's what the debate is about. The definition of spanking is: "striking a child with an open hand on the buttocks or extremities with the intention of modifying behavior without causing physical injury"..
So what do you say then to the 93% agreement in scientific studies that shows spanking (with the definition above in mind) is harmful to children? And by harmful, the increased risk of developing anti social behaviors, increased aggression, addiction, lower IQ, etc.. ?
The question becomes.. Is it still justifiable to spank children, while it may yield the result of immediate compliance, when research shows spanking also results in an increased risk of nearly a dozen negative side effects?
My wife n' I have what some would call a "problem child", very high strung, a very strong will, and it takes a lot for me not to flip out. But we've found that, without spanking, the things she does, she eventually grows out of. A few months ago she started hitting / scratching us when she was upset, so instead of hitting her back and telling her that's bad (herp derp logic there), we continually kept at it, told her it was wrong. Eventually she grew out of it, now instead of acting on it, she tells us she wants to hit us, or hit the new baby, or {insert undesirable action}, but she rarely acts on it anymore. We just let her know it's OK to want to do that, just not to act on it. We've made progress with a lot of persistence without having to inflict pain or the fear of pain.
But then again, don't take my word for it..my personal experiences do not mean shit when you consider this has been researched across thousands of families already.
That's my whole point.. Most of us here at WF champion ourselves regarding facts and science. Instead with some of these debates, we get, "Well my experience shows differently!" It's like saying, "I did the math, 2+2=5, I'm telling you man.", when the rest of the world knows it's 4, and we have proof it's 4.
Then because spanking is such a personal subject, especially to those who've spanked already, "studies" that counter their practice, get written off as propaganda (as if there were some company or gov. out there that would benefit from children who aren't spanked pfft) or new age bullshit. I fully sympathize with someone who believed they were parenting to the best of their ability and did what was right.. that's all we can do with the information we have. But the point in which you're exposed to the truth, seek it, research it, then that's when we have a different story.
I'm all for "research", but unfortunately, I know how it goes in the background for that "research". You see most professors, teachers, etc, get a research grant, and usually of the result are not as desired, by the party giving the grant money, they tell them to go back and "re-evaluate" it. I have first hand accounting of this with projects, as well as both of my parents being professors at major Universities here in Florida. To get to the root of it, whoever is supply the money, wants the research to go their way, so I'm take that non-sense with a grain of salt. Think about all the shit you see, all the obese people, heart problems, etc. Why isn't anyone highlight any of the mere fact that if you drink the allocated amount of water, you body will quickly heal and get rid of most of your problems?? It's true. But there is no money in telling people to drink water. I don't know, what the end goal of spanking versus non-spanking issue is, but it comes down to what I've seen first hand, and my general experience.
In my opinion spanking a kid is acceptable from ages 4 to 10 or so. Under 4, I don't think they've learn the real "concept" of bad and good. They have to be doing some really stupid shit though. Honestly, near life or death. You've heard the story, of the fat kid that bullies everyone, until the day, he get's his ass beat, then he realizes what it feels like, and stops. Unfortunately, that's life. Some people response to physical correction versus verbal. It's not environment induced. You can have 2 kids, one who listens verbally, another one who just won't listen. There is no magical bullet or "research" that blankets the whole society.
This also leads down the road to bullying amongst kids and general violence. I feel, if you taught your kid to be nice, they'll generally get stepped on for the rest of their lives. There is a middle ground. What happens when you kids gets picked on at school, there are scenarios, where "telling" just makes the situation harder, so hey.... sometimes those back of the school fights need to go down. This is a little off topic at this point, but I would hope parents are completely honest with their kids and the world. There is a pecking order in society. Simply being nice isn't going to get you far, and sometimes you have to stand your ground. Knowing that while standing your ground, you may eventually fail. Being spanked for doing something wrong, that's just one form of punishment. There are mental and other forms as well.
Think about the rich spoil brat, that always get's their way, and never learns the consequences of their actions. Their parents didn't discipline them, or were even too leant (don't know if that's the correct spelling) when it was time to be strict, and that created a pattern. Every experience a person/child has adds up to who they become. There is no "Magic" formula. Some people need to be spanked, some people need to win or lose a fight - That's how the world works, is it perfect no, but it's reality and no amount of research is going to deny what's worked for generations. Spanking, should be consider, but is very very extreme case. It's really impossible to say "I will NEVER spank my kid". That's un-realistic, and shooting for the moon as if the world is perfect and rosey.
I really feel like this is the answer right here. No matter what you do, if you continually follow through,you will yield the results your looking for.
I've mentioned on here: taking away a toy (whatever he's currently playing with) works really well for us for the youngest (4yrold).
Me: "If you continue to whine, that ironman is going in the sad box"
Him: NOOOOO
Me: Ok, then stop whining.
Usually it stops right there. Sometimes though he tests (which is perfectly normal and desirable human behavior) at which point the ironman goes in the sad box. The next key is as soon as he's behaving well, he gets the ironman back.
The whole thing requires very little of your time, and that's the way it should be. You want to avoid giving any kind of attention (albeit negative) for bad behavior (spanking the ultimate negative attention, btw) and make consequences swift, efficient and firm so they know exactly what to expect and when they push on those boundaries they find, with relief, that they are still solid.
Again I understand that these work mostly on small children, but the concept is the same for older: ALWAYS FOLLOW THROUGH. My eldest (10) doesn't require much discipline but he'll still get some "consequences" here and there, usually docking his pay if he doesn't do his chores well or whatever. That's about as severe as his behavioral problems are so far. (still bracing myself for teenagedom, though)
That's the best advice. If you don't follow through from early on, they'll run all over you. We humans do it all the time, once someone states something and they bend even an inch, bam, everyone takes a mile. And t's very difficult to go back.
None of you want to tackle this response? We just going to ignore it and keep going on an on about our spank or no spank bullshit...
Hrmm...
OK
None of you want to tackle this response? We just going to ignore it and keep going on an on about our spank or no spank bullshit...
Hrmm...
OK
Sure, I'll respond to it..
[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0]Billy Madison - Ultimate Insult (Academic Decathlon) - YouTube[/ame]
a wrong is still a wrong, no matter how many other rights are exercised beside it.
I say 93% of the population does have at least one of those traits you've described and such studies are bullshit.
Well obviously, perhaps due to the prevalence of spanking? Care to point out studies/proof that might counter the arguments rather than just calling them bullshit?
My ass got spanked left and right when i was growing up, and that helped me alot, today's kids are fucking soft
That right there is the problem with your argument. There's no conceivable benefit that any business/institution/government could have to fabric data that supports non-spanking. If anything, governments for example, stand to benefit from spanking, as it plants a seed of obedience and submissiveness later in life, so that they remain obedient citizens.
I know what you're saying and it makes sense in many other cases, but not the spanking debate. This is a largely neutral issue when it comes to profit interest.
You don't really think that if people stop spanking their kids the world will turn into a genius filled utopia do you?
There are so many more socio economical and genetic factors at play in the way kids turn out than just spanking that it doesn't take a genius to realize you can't attribute personality flaws to just one thing and that any study making such claims is rubbish.