hmm, 2/10 too cloudy, she looked better in the first one but since you delivered here is what I would do and I'm certainly no clickbank guru. For the love of fucking god create a landing page with your own copy, you'll probably make more money anyways.
3 steps to killer conversions:
1. get your prospects attention, this is the most important part, don't care how you do it.
2. keep their attention, this part is the hardest part, you also have to break objections and also give them a big reason they need what you're offering.
3. tell them what to do, buy now, fill out a form, whatever but make SURE you tell them what to do. People are lazy and often times just need to be told what to do.