Increase Google rankings?



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To get to the top of Google, I heard you pay 40 odd dollars to be a member here and get access to the holy grail of yesteryear...
 
Make sure your website linked with your google webmaster tools, google analytics. Make sure the right keywords stands in h tags, description is relevant to the content you're providing. Create rich content, don't forget to include backlinks to trutworth sources, format text with right h tags, add photos with well written alt atributes, creae competative titles. Don't forget to post your content on social pages. Link your website with G+ !! Do not use black marketing, because google isn't stupid!
 
Make sure your website linked with your google webmaster tools, google analytics. Make sure the right keywords stands in h tags, description is relevant to the content you're providing. Create rich content, don't forget to include backlinks to trutworth sources, format text with right h tags, add photos with well written alt atributes, creae competative titles. Don't forget to post your content on social pages. Link your website with G+ !! Do not use black marketing, because google isn't stupid!

There's so much stupid in that one paragraph. It's like one of those pictures from 1820 where they photoshopped 10 things that don't make sense into the picture at that era and you have to find them.

I found at least 5, but the best one is where you talk about manipulating SEO via per-meditated backlinks from "trutworth sources" and web2.0 pages - and then say not to use "black marketing", which I assume means blackhat SEO, which everyone knows by now - unless you're a fucking girl selling cute hand-made bows out of recycled gall bladders, ain't noone going to naturally find and link back to your site for many years. All SEO is blackhat as soon as that thought forms in your brain to improve the SEO of your site.
 
Might I suggest regularly adding fresh quality content to your site? If you're already doing that try adding more than you currently are.