Lol, not heard of two finger tap?! Much better than any right click button normally provided on laptops or cmd-click or bottom right.
If you want to go back to Windows you didn't bother learning OSX. Which is patently obvious with your grasp of the mousepad. You've got to go cold turkey and learn how it works rather than boot it and then turn on VMWare/Parallels.
Last night I bought my sister a Windows 7 Samsung (i3 2.4, 8GB) and compared to her old Sony XP machine (2.0 Centrino, 1GB) it's like an amusing joke (if jokes could be fat, slow and bloated) - if MS had evolved XP rather than thrown up Vista I would never have become a Mac user. That's a fact.
For the record, fuck Lion, I've heard it's Apple's Vista. I've only heard horror stories and my Snow Leopard works perfectly and if it ain't broke...