EYEKON's Official Wickedfire 'Tell Me a Joke' Thread

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eyekon1

eyekon1

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Tell me a joke. Aside from long walks on the beach, horseback rides and romantic diners by the fireplace, I like laughing, contagious laughs are hillarious too.....so make me laugh.

btw, just to get it out of the way...

- "your mom"
- "your face"
- "your affiliate earnings" etc.

are gonna get old fast. So break out your best!

As for your joke content, tell ones that don't break Wickedfire Rules please. Common sense peoples :D


Lets get this show started...

laugh.jpg


:bigear:
 


Yeah what are we dancing monkeys for your entertainment. You go to hell!

Just kidding...you actually get points for the photshopped wickedfire comedian.

Ok here goes...

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A little boy was standing on the edge of a cliff beside a roadway, bawling his eyes out. A priest, out for an evening stroll, walks up to him.

"What's the matter, my child?" he asks softly.

Sobbing, he answers through the tears. "My mommy and daddy were in their car, and it rolled off the edge of the cliff, and exploded on the rocks below."

"Jesus," the priest says, unbuttoning his fly, "This just isn't your day, little boy."
 
ChrisS, you sick fuck! :D Funny!

Okay, and oldie but a goodie:
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Little Johnny's sitting on the curb when a priest walks by and notices he's got a jar with some sort of liquid in it.

The priest hunkers down and ask Little Johnny what he's got

"Well Father, this is turpentine and it's the most powerful liquid on the planet."

The priest scoffs, and says "I'm sorry Little Johnny, but Holy Water is the most powerful liquid on the planet. Why, if I were to rub a little Holy Water on a woman's belly, she'll pass a baby."

Little Johnny replied, "That ain't nothing, if I rub some turpentine on a cat's ass, it'll pass a Volkswagon!"

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Another Little Johnny joke

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The next day Little Johnny is sitting on the same curb, but this time he has a bag of M&M's and a cat with him. Every so often he would eat a couple M&M's, bite the cat on the back and wiggle his butt further down the curb.

Now, Little Johnny's father was watching him do this for awhile and finally couldn't control his curiosity any longer and went out to ask Little Johnny what he was doing.

"I'm playing truck driver daddy."

Perplexed, his father responded "Playing truck driver?"

"Yeah, I'm poppin' pills, eating pussy and scooting on down the road."
 
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A man went to a doctor for a simple vasectomy. When he awoke after the procedure the doctor was standing over him with a worried look.

"I have some bad news," the doctor says. "I completely botched your surgery, and we had to go ahead and give you a complete sex change. You now have a vagina."

"Oh My God," the man says. "So you mean to tell me I will never experience an erection again?"

"Oh you will," the doctor says. "Just not yours."
----
 
ChrisS said:
Yeah what are we dancing monkeys for your entertainment. You go to hell!
Click to expand...

l daAaAAaNce Monkey! daAaaaaAAaaNce!! :p

@armakuni

ok..here's one....


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a 5 year-old goes to his mother one morning while having cereal and says....

"mommy, what were you and daddy doing last night? you were making funny noises and there was thumping on the wall??"

the mom all flushed and embarrassed she responds with the first thing that came to her mind...

"oh honey, your father and I were...um...er... "baking cakes" last night, yeah, thats it...we were baking cakes!

the 5 year old, confused, shrugs it off.

2 days later

The 5 year old at breakfast says..."mommy, you and daddy were 'baking cakes' in the living room on the sofa!"

the mother, embarassed says.. "yes honey, but how did you know we were 'baking cakes' in the living room?

the 5 year old replies, "...i know because I licked all the icing off the sofa..."


------------------------------------------------------------
 
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Who gets to the airport for their vacation first 2 fags or 2 lesbians?

Lesbians, because they did 69 the whole way while the fags were still at home packing shit.

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Okay, this one is a little long.

---

The mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couples house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" the mother-in-law asked. "I am waiting for my husband to come home from work." the daughter-in-law replied. "Why are you naked?" asked the mother-in-law. "This is my love dress." the daughter-in-law replied. "LOVE DRESS! You are naked." said the mother-in-law "But my husband loves it when I wear this dress. It makes him happy and he makes me happy." said the daughter-in-law. "I would appreciate it if you left now because my husband will be home any minute." The daughter-in-law continued. Soured by all of this romantic stuff, the mother-in-law left. On the way home she thought about the "LOVE DRESS" and got an idea. She undressed, showered, applied her best perfume and waited by the door for her husband to come home. Finally the pickup truck drove up the drive way and she took her place by the door. The father-in-law opened the door and immediately saw his wife naked by the door. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress" the mother-in-law replied. "Maybe you should iron it." he replied.
 
eyekon1 said:
Tell me a joke. Aside from long walks on the beach, horseback rides and romantic diners by the fireplace, I like laughing, contagious laughs are hillarious too.....so make me laugh.

btw, just to get it out of the way...

- "your mom"
- "your face"
- "your affiliate earnings" etc.

are gonna get old fast. So break out your best!

As for your joke content, tell ones that don't break Wickedfire Rules please. Common sense peoples :D


Lets get this show started...

laugh.jpg


:bigear:
Click to expand...

There are rules about jokes on WF? That's so... hmmm... un-WF.

HH
 
---
Q: what do you call a 'male-gay-dinosaur' ?
A: a mega-sore-ass
dinosaurG2711_468x351.jpg







Q: what you you call a 'female-gay-dinosaur' ?
A: a lick-a-lotta-puss
image_exp_dino021.jpg


---
 
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different, again. Little Johnny said, Because I'm not an Obama fan. The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?' Johnny said 'Because I'm a Republican.' The teacher asked him why he is a Republican. Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican, my Dad is a Republican,
so I'm a Republican.' Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?' With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, 'That would make me an Obama fan.'
 
A Delicate Surgery


A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
 
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