Some clean jokes

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Virginia

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A magician works on a cruise ship and entertains the audience with his show. The only problem is that the captain’s parrot has figured out all his tricks and tells them during the show. “Aaarrr, it’s in his sleeve, it’s in his sleeve, Aaarrr” “Aaarrr, it’s under his hat, it’s under his hat, Aaarrr”

<o:p></o:p>
One night the parrot starts again to tell trick. The magician pulls out a gun and shoots at the parrot. The parrot dodged the bullet; it hit a propane tank and blew the ship into a million pieces. The only two survivors are the magician and the parrot floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean.

<o:p></o:p>
The parrot looks around, looks at the magician and say: “Aaarrr, ok, you got me. Where is the ship?”<o:p></o:p>
 


Since there wasn't an introduction thread I thought this might be the right place to start. :) How about that one.

<o:p> </o:p>
In the 17<sup>th</sup> century, a ship is out on the ocean. All of a sudden, the guy in the crow nest shouts: “Captain, there is an enemy ship on the horizon!!” The Captain says: “Well then men, prepare for battle!” He turns to his first mate and says: “Get me my right shirt!” The battle begins and the Captain doesn’t lose one man. Everybody is cheering as the first mate asks the Captain in private: “Captain, why did I have to bring you your red shirt?” The Captain answers: “So that the sailors can’t see me bleeding and keep on fighting!” The first mate responds: “Wow, that’s awesome!”<o:p></o:p>

Three days later, the guy in the crow nest shouts: “Captain, 20 enemy ships on the horizon!!” The Captain says: “Well then men, prepare for battle!” He turns to his first mate and says: “Get me my brown pants!”<o:p></o:p>
 
Also, please do not copy / paste OOOOOOLD jokes.

Thanks.
::emp::
 
Virginia said:
A magician works on a cruise ship and entertains the audience with his show. The only problem is that the captain’s parrot has figured out all his tricks and tells them during the show. “Aaarrr, it’s in his sleeve, it’s in his sleeve, Aaarrr” “Aaarrr, it’s under his hat, it’s under his hat, Aaarrr”

<o>:p></o>:p>
One night the parrot starts again to tell trick. The magician pulls out a gun and shoots at the parrot. The parrot dodged the bullet; it hit a propane tank and blew the ship into a million pieces. The only two survivors are the magician and the parrot floating on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean.

<o>:p></o>:p>
The parrot looks around, looks at the magician and say: “Aaarrr, ok, you got me. Where is the ship?”<o>:p></o>:p>
Click to expand...


i dont get it.
 
@seoreborn
I was more pissed at the dumb shit that did not even bother to check the tags on the post after CTRL+V, resulting in the ”<o>
tongue.gif
></o>
tongue.gif
> you see all over the post.

And @Virginia yes, I said "dumb shit" consider this your welcome here.

::emp::
 
Thanks for the help bam bam and thanks for the welcome emp, couldn't expect anything more from you. :)
 
LOL

Well, you will feel right at home with this grumpy, old German then.

::emp::
 
Bat come back to the den, with blood all over & grumpy.. the others are all excited. Asking: Wow... yum... all that blood. Where did you get so lucky.

He tells them to fuck off.

The other all exciting and hungry for cheap blood and keep bugging him.

After a while he says. Fine, follow me.

They flight 30 mintues across the mountain and thru the forest and he stops in front of a big tall tree.

He asks them: do you see this tree?

The others, confused say; hmmm... yeah... why?

He answers: Well I didn't!
 
A general is married to a beautiful woman. He has to go away for a week, leaving his wife behind. His men haven't had the pleasure of a woman in months, so he lines up his soldiers and tells them, "I'm away for the week. I'm leaving my wife behind. Not one of you is to go near her" and leaves it at that. He then attends to his wife, does his business and then plants a razor blade in her pussy, and off he goes.

A week later, as expected, he returns. He lines up his men again, and asks them one by one to pull down the pants. Low and be hold, each man drops his boxers and shows his sliced up cock, followed by a beating from the general. He gets to the last soldier and tells him to drop down pants with his fits prepared to start pummeling... But the soldier is unscathed. "Well done, soldier, you're the only one that managed to keep your hands off've her."

The soldier replies, "Thank you thir"
 
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bsmaat said:
A general is married to a beautiful woman. He has to go away for a week, leaving his wife behind. His men haven't had the pleasure of a woman in months, so he lines up his soldiers and tells them, "I'm away for the week. I'm leaving my wife behind. Not one of you is to go near her" and leaves it at that. He then attends to his wife, does his business and then plants a razor blade in her pussy, and off he goes.

A week later, as expected, he returns. He lines up his men again, and asks them one by one to pull down the pants. Low and be hold, each man drops his boxers and shows his sliced up cock, followed by a beating from the general. He gets to the last soldier and tells him to drop down pants with his fits prepared to start pummeling... But the soldier is unscathed. "Well done, soldier, you're the only one that managed to keep your hands off've her."

The soldier replies, "Thank you thir"
Click to expand...

Lol. aahahahhaahah. Love this one.
 
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